1. He bought me cranberry juice to make my favorite drink of the moment, cranberry and vodka.
2. He apologized for the kitchen being such a mess.
3. He told me he enjoyed our evening when it was just the two of us, golfing. He said it was “fun doing stuff with me.”
If you give a mom a drink she’ll get very happy.
She’ll decide to cook ribs for dinner.
Because ribs are a picnic dish, she’ll also make potato salad.
By scratch.
Homemade biscuits won’t be difficult, nor will brownies.
The whole family will say yum, yum.
After the mom eats this food, she’ll feel good and want to clean up.
She’ll open another beer, and load the dishwasher.
Then she’ll notice the floor.
She’ll grab the mop, but realize the dog hair must be swept up first.
She’ll run upstairs to get her handy-dandy bagless vacuum.
Since she has to bring it down the stairs, she might as well vacuum those stairs.
At the bottom of the stairs she’ll vacuum the living room.
To get to the kitchen she must go through the dining room, so she’ll vacuum that on her way.
Something might start to smell.
Something might start to smoke.
The mom will haul the vacuum into the kitchen and flip it upside down.
She’ll grab a screwdriver from the hardware drawer.
She’ll unscrew all 4 screws.
The belt will be broken.
She will happen to have another belt, so she’ll put it on.
As soon as she unwraps the Rapunzel’s length of dog hair wrapped around the roller.
While she’s putting the whole damn thing back together she’ll notice the kitchen floor.
And remember she wanted to mop it.
She’ll mop that kitchen floor.
She’ll put away the vacuum cleaner.
She’ll decide never to make dinner again.
And she’ll open another beer.
What I Did On My First Day Of Vacation by: Irish Goddess
I woke up at 5:30 a.m., unable to sleep. The themes and theories of Torts and Contracts haven’t left my brain yet. Lucy woke up at 6:30 for her first day of Horse Camp. I drove her to the bus at 7 a.m., then hit the grocery store for muffins and coffee. Came home, let the dog out, fed him, made the coffee, and ate muffins with DTE in bed. Went to work. Two of the five office people are out of town, and the receptionist went home with cramps. That left me and the owner. Worked til 5 (no lunch break), drove back to pick up Lucy from the bus. Helped DTE put up drywall tape in the garage. Rode bikes with Lucy to grandparent’s house to deliver something. Drove to the bank, and the grocery store. Put away groceries. Folded 3 loads of laundry and put away. Wrote this post. It is now 10 p.m.
I’m almost looking forward to school starting again! Can’t keep this one happy.
I changed my cursor from the standard arrow to a banana and it just makes me hungry.
First real exam of law school under my belt – Torts. I know I passed, and am hoping for a B. I dare not hope for more. Today I took the day off, studied from 10:30 – noon, then from 3-9. Tomorrow I’m hitting the library at 10 a.m., again until 9. Thursday is Crim Law exam, Friday is Contracts.
I love studying. It always takes me at least 30 minutes to settle down and actually start – sometimes even longer. But once I get going I have a good system. It is actually exciting to me. DORK.
Plans for my “vacation”? Work as many hours at the office as they’ll let me. Finish reading Middlesex. Play a round of golf. Read another book. Drink.
I have this friend named Gigi and every time I write to her, I like my voice. So I’m going to post what I wrote to her; it’s a much funnier telling of the law school buddy story than what I produced earlier. Thanks, Gigi – I miss you!
Tonight I miss you making me laugh. As angsty as my blaaaaaag is, I also still have my vicious, sarcastic sense of humor and sometimes you are just the perfect person with whom to share it.
Gigi, I wish I could describe how pathetic the gay guy at law school situation is. Now that he’s told me, it is So. Obvious. But until then, I’m all “Oh, he’s funny. Maybe he thinks I’m cute and that’s why he’s sitting by me. It’s so sweet, I’m the same age as his mother!” Jesus, Mary, AND Joseph! (I lived as a catholic, now I get to claim all their great sayings.) Old, chubby me feeling flattered by the attention of the flaming gay guy! DUH DUH DUH DUH… I’m beating my head against a wall in utter embarrassment. Never have I felt so old and stupid. I think I will sue myself when I pass the bar. Negligence, failure to follow statutory intelligence, involuntary manslaughter of my mind? I don’t know, I’ll come up with something.
1. Yes, the guy best friend is also the alcoholic. You didn’t think a co-dependent person like me could really keep him out of my life? God, I’m way too needy.
2. The Brett Favre thing is driving me crazy too. I’m upset with the Packers, disappointed in him…all in all a rotten scene with no happy ending.
It has been a long week. My lexapro prescription ran out a week ago, and I just can’t afford the ridiculous copay of $45/month. This was also the week of the month where I am extra crabby and sensitive to begin with. My buddy from law school came out to me. My two best friends have started dating each other – again. And finals are next week.
Everything, of course, is blown out of all reasonable proportion. (For my 2 lawyer readers – that’s my new word. “Reasonable”)
My unreasonable mind:
Fine. I can’t afford the medicine. I don’t deserve it anyway. What does it matter? I feel shitty anyway. I’m always depressed. I’m a bitch. All I do is whine. The kids would be in a better place without all my negativity. I certainly don’t deserve my kids.
Oh, you’re gay? Great. Instead of talking with me now you spend your time IM’ing the annoying smart guy in the 2nd row. I knew I wasn’t cute anyway. I’m probably why you turned gay. I knew it. I’m ugly. Why don’t you just leave me now? Really, I get it. I just don’t get how I didn’t pick up on the fact that you were gay sooner. I’m so stupid.
And the two of you? AGAIN? God, I just love hearing about it. I love studying with you as you tell me how sleepy you are because of all the great sex you had. I love hearing about how it is so much FUN. I never have fun. I like when we go out for “Girl’s Night” and you text him and smile. I love how you tell me how all your fantasies about her are now coming true. Helloooooooooooooooooo? Remember me? Oh, that’s right. I’m fucking invisible. I’m not needed here. No one wants to be my friend anyway. Everyone has someone else.
God, I annoy myself just typing it. I know it’s all bullshit. I know when I get back on my medicine things will feel better. It is so rotten though – my mind is so MEAN. Why is that? Why do I tell myself such awful things?
I had the sense, shortly after the pills ran out, to make a call to my doctor and have her get me on something with a generic. Good news, pills came in today and now I’m paying $4 for a 3 month supply. Sometimes I think I should be able to be stronger, to just shake off my whining and poor attitude, snap out of my moods and be thankful for what I have. Other times, I scare the crap out of myself and am so glad for the lifesaver.
She came into the kitchen in DTE’s shirt, jeans, her hair pulled back and only one earring in. She said “Hey, pretty mama, ya come here often?” Said it was her “gangster boy” look.
Next she came down all dolled up like this, earrings, flashy shoes, purse, barrettes in her hair, and tons of lipgloss. Said it was her “girly girl” look, and she went looking for her dad. I reminded her of the number one rule: always choose your girlfriend over any boy.
Last time down, back to jeans, and a normal looking outfit. That’s my girl, stylish and comfortable, hip, pretty, smart and funny. She told me this is her “signature pose”. She’s so crazy, I love her!
1. Sex
2. Coffeee
3. Clean Lucy’s room
4. Shower
5. Vicodin for cramps
6. Teach GMan how to do laundry
7. Study
8. Beer
9. Make good dinner
10. Eat, drink more beer
11. Go for walk
12. Smoke cigarette
13. poop
14. one last beer
15. movie, and sleep
